


i'm where i've always been (i still love you)

by saltandsunshine



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Actor Oh Sehun, Angst, Exes, Fashion Designer Kim Jongin | Kai, Hopeful Ending, Jongin's Birthday Week 2021, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:14:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29818569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltandsunshine/pseuds/saltandsunshine
Summary: Jongin thought he was being selfless when he left Sehun nine years ago.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43
Collections: Challenge #14 — We Artist Baby!





	i'm where i've always been (i still love you)

**Author's Note:**

> tinysparks' Challenge #14 — We Artist, Baby!

  
Jongin tried to appear composed as he entered the main showroom of his atelier; but the moment he laid eyes on his client, the business-like smile on his face faltered slightly.  
  
His client, the famous actor Oh Sehun, was his ex-boyfriend—the love of his life whom he foolishly broke up with almost a decade ago.  
  
“Good morning,” Jongin greeted, mentally patting himself on the back for not stuttering. “I’ve been working on the suit and have altered it based on the changes you asked for.”  
  
He then looked towards his assistant and nodded.  
  
“This way, Mr. Oh,” Jongin’s assistant said as he ushered Sehun into the dressing suite.  
  
When Sehun came out, he was wearing the bespoke suit Jongin had been toiling away at for the past several weeks.  
  
Like the first few fittings, Sehun immediately stepped onto the raised platform and inspected the way the suit fit his body in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror.  
  
“If there are areas that still feel loose, we will adjust them,” Jongin told him. “But if you’re satisfied with the fit then we’ll start working on the finer details of the suit.”  
  
“It fits fine,” Sehun replied in a flat but formal tone.  
  
Jongin nodded. “Then we’ll have the suit ready in a week.”  
  
After getting changed, Sehun left with his manager promptly.  
  
Jongin watched as Sehun’s car drove away, heaving a disappointed sigh once it was out of sight. He had practiced his apology over and over last night hoping he’d get to talk to Sehun; but Jongin’s resolve crumbled the moment he saw Sehun gaze at him with such indifference.  
  
Wanting to be alone, Jongin gave his employees the rest of the day off. He soon realized, however, that the silence and lack of company didn’t give him the tranquility he sought.  
  
Plagued by his own depressing thoughts, Jongin tried to distract himself by working on the jacket of Sehun’s suit. He carefully removed it from the mannequin and was about to head to his private workroom when he caught a hint of something floral. He brought the garment closer to his nose and took a whiff.  
  
Tears immediately pricked Jongin’s eyes when he smelled that familiar scent of jasmine—the scent that used to linger in the apartment he shared with Sehun; a scent he had dearly missed.  
  
Jongin clutched the jacket tightly to his chest, whispering words of apology and affection he couldn’t muster the courage to say out loud.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
Jongin looked over his shoulder in surprise, his jaw dropping open when he saw Sehun by the door.  
  
“Why are you here?” Jongin asked, completely forgetting to speak to Sehun formally in his shock.  
  
“I forgot my phone,” was Sehun’s curt reply, eyes darting between Jongin and the jacket he was holding. He frowned but his expression quickly reverted back to his usual impassive look. Without another word, Sehun went towards the dressing suite to grab his phone and hurriedly made his way out.  
  
“Sehun, wait,” Jongin called out right before Sehun reached the door. “Can we talk? Please?”  
  
“If it’s about the suit then you can just contact my manager.”  
  
“It’s not about the suit. I just— I want to apologize and explain.”  
  
Sehun glared at him. “I don’t need an apology nor an explanation.”  
  
“Please. Just hear me out,” Jongin pleaded.  
  
“It’s been _years._ Why do you want to do this now when—” Sehun paused, squeezing his eyes shut as his face crumpled in pain. “I’ve spent a long time trying to piece myself back together after you left,” he continued in a broken whisper. “Please don’t do this now.”  
  
Jongin felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He wanted to hug Sehun and comfort him but he knew he couldn’t. He had no right to when he was the cause of Sehun’s heartbreak.  
  
“I— I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it was for the best,” Jongin explained; but it sounded like a poor excuse even to his ears.  
  
Sehun scoffed. “You thought leaving without a proper goodbye was the right thing to do? If you didn’t love me anymore, you could have just told me. At least then I wouldn’t have had to keep pondering over what it was that I did or when exactly things started going wrong.”  
  
“I didn’t leave because I fell out of love,” Jongin clarified. “I left because I didn’t want to be a burden. You were doing so well in your acting career whereas I was still struggling to find a job.”  
  
“Was that how shallow you thought my love for you was?” Sehun asked, the hurt evident in his tone.  
  
“Of course not. I just didn’t want you to have to keep worrying about me when you were finally achieving what you’ve worked hard for for years,” Jongin replied. “I saw how tired you were every time you came home and it made me feel guilty knowing I was just adding to your stress.”  
  
“You weren’t,” Sehun argued, eyes brimming with tears. “And I never thought of you as a burden. You were my strength and my home, Jongin. When you left, it felt like a huge part of me went missing.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” was all Jongin could say.  
  
“I tried to hate you, you know? But no matter how much I convinced myself that I did, I never could.” Sehun chuckled bitterly. “You broke me. But even then I still loved you. Even up to now, I still do.”  
  
Jongin's eyes widened at Sehun’s words. “Y— You still love me?”  
  
“Pathetic, aren’t I?” Sehun asked, choking back his tears.  
  
Jongin slowly approached Sehun and when he was close, he gently lifted one hand to wipe away his tears. “If anyone’s pathetic between the two of us, it’s me. Had I not been a fool, both of us wouldn’t have had to suffer for years.”  
  
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Sehun. Will you allow me to love you again?"  


**Author's Note:**

>   
>  inspired by sekai's [pre-debut](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Oh5dWdzyq4) [teasers.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDDwIOdJF3A) i was going to write this for the 12th challenge but i wasn't able to join  
>   
> title is from baekhyun's love again  
>   
> comments would be much appreciated 💖  
> 


End file.
